WIth Childlike Wonder

Jesus loved kids. He LOVED children. When His disciples shoo'd little kids away, He said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belong the kingdom of God" (Matthew 19:14). When I was younger, I never understood why Jesus would say this. At that age, I was annoying, selfish, probably even bratty. I couldn't imagine why Jesus would want kids like me to own "the kingdom of God". But, the more time I spend with my five year old cousin, the more I understand why Jesus loved Children SO MUCH. Yes, kids can be frustrating with their disobedience and stubbornness. But, they have a wisdom and innocence that people are starting to loose at a younger and younger age. The other day, A. (My 5 year old cousin) had to do a poster for his kindergarten class. On the poster it said, "name your three wishes". My cousin hastily filled it out with horrendous spelling and handwriting that would make any teacher cringe. At first glance, my aunt told him that he needed to redo everything. But then she read what he wrote: 1. I wish the titanic didn't sink (he's been going through a titanic phase) 2. I wish I was in heaven. 3. I wish I could meet God. He didn't have to redo anything. He could have put anything on that paper. He could have wrote "I want to meet Garfield (another phase)" or "I want to be rich" or "I want to have good grades" or anything really. But he wished to be in heaven. He wished to meet God. And I don't think his school "brainwashed" him into putting this down either. He wasn't under any pressure when he wrote this (I know this cause his spelling was wrong and his handwriting wasn't too neat). He did it on a kitchen table, by himself. You can wish for the world, but you choose to wish for God. That kid has his priorities straight. So today, A. came over (like he usually does on Wednesdays). I like to tape things to my wall. Mostly movie ticket stubs, passed notes from class, drawings, or pictures. I recently finished a map of Dante's journey through Inferno, Purgatory, and Heaven for class and I decided to tape it up. He sat a looked quizzically at it for a few seconds. Me: Do you know what that is? A.: No Me: Wanna know the story of Dante? A.: Ok Me: So this guy named Dante, he goes to Inferno with his good friend Virgil and he travels through Upper Inferno, the plain of fire, an- A.: What's the plain of fire? Why is there fire. Me: Well, people who play with fire live there (Kinda wanted to keep everything G rated. Don't think he is ready for "people burn in Hell"). A.: Play with fire?! That's dangerous! Me: Yea...don't do that at home. Anyway, Dante goes all the way to the bottom of Inferno and he meets a three headed dog.(Not sure if he was ready to have a mental image of Satan being a three headed beast who chews on sinners yet). A.: How come there are people in his mouth? Me: ... ... well.......... anyway, after that, Dante is catapulted onto the base of a Mt. P. A.: like pee-pee? Me: HA HA. no, like Mt. P. Then Dante goes to the top of the Mt. and meets his best friend who's a girl named Beatrice. A.: *giggle* a girl? *giggle* Me: Yup. Virgil can't go with them to heaven, but then Beatrice takes Dante to heaven. Then they go to The mo- A.: (at this point he started reading the planet names off the map) The moon, mercury, Venus, The sun, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, the Stars... Me: Yup and they meet people and angels and talk to them in heaven. Then they go to where the angels- A.: Do the people have wings like angels too? Me: Not sure...... anyway, then they go visit where the angels live. Then Beatrice says bye-bye to Dante and a man named Benard brings Dante to see God. A.: What happens then? Me: Well that's where the book ends. A.: Then what happens? That question made me smile. Thinking back, I probably should have said, "Everything, A. Everything happens". But i didn't. I don't remember what I told him. I musta just said that Dante's book ends there. It's the simple mind of a child that made me realize... stories don't end when books end. One cannot simply stop at "then he met GOD". That makes me think though... Our story both truly begins and ends with "and we met God". God is infinite. And we will have eternity to meet Him. We went to dinner afterward. This is what kinda happened. A. started drawing on the paper placemat. He started drawing a little black scribble and a little distance away, a circle with an "H" inside of it. I asked him what it was: A. The black thing is earth. and the circle is Heaven. Garfield (favorite thing next to the titanic) starts from Earth and he *draws line to connect* goes to heaven cause he did something right (I wanted to tell him that you don't go to heaven by doing "right things" but by believing.. but I let him continue on. I'll have to tell him that story another day). Then, *draws lines connecting "earth" and "heaven" again* Garfield goes and brings earth to heaven. This surprised me a little. Me: Did you know that there was another person who brought earth to heaven before Garfield? He seemed a little confused at this point. I don't think many people took the time to follow his stories long enough to ask about his characters. If they did, most of them would say, "it's not physically possible to bring earth to heaven". Me: Jesus did, A. Jesus brought earth to heaven first. Then Garfield sat on earth and let Jesus take earth to heaven. Kids are wonderful. A childlike wonder is so incredible. Their concept of Divergent thinking (<-- watch at 7:43 of the youtube clip) is genius. To a kid like A., garfield can go swim underwater without a tank of air and enter boats through a hole in the bottom of the boat. A lot of the problems that some atheistic adults have with christianity is that it doesn't make sense. If you think about it, Christianity doesn't make sense, but makes ALL the sense at the same time. When Jesus said that the kingdom of God belongs to little children, i think he meant (I could be wrong :P) that little children aren't hindered by the same things that adults are hindered by. A message like the gospel comes easier to them. Childlike wonder. A., thanks for today. I think I'll remember 5-year old you for a long long long time. :]

Hunger Games = Harry Potter without Voldemort (SPOILERS!)

When I first picked up the Hunger Games, I found it extremely riveting. But... after I finished the first installment of the series, I just couldn't bring myself to love Katniss as a character. The way that she coldheartedly handled and manipulated Peeta's love for her and the way that she just brushed off her mother just turned me off. I didn't even want her to get together with Peeta when I was reading the first book...i was a bit "pro kale" (katniss and Gale)... when I was reading it... but even though i didn't like peeta too much, Katniss' demeanor toward him just seemed plain wrong. I mean, I realize that perhaps the loss of her father caused her to have that cold shoulder toward certain people but Harry Potter had a pretty sucky childhood and still was able to properly love. I decided not to read the rest of the series (my friends told me that if I didn't like the first book the next ones were just going to get worse). However, I watched the movie last tuesday and the acting and the sets really made the book come alive to me. It's probably one of the better book-to-film adaptations that I've seen. It didn't change my thoughts about Katniss' character, but it made me want to finish the trilogy. so i did. At about 1 am last night. :] I have a few mixed feelings about the books though. I think I liked Catching Fire more than I liked The Hunger Games simply because Katniss' character really started to develop. Not only that, but Peeta's determination to keep loving Katniss no matter what was just really...i want to say virtuous, but i think some of my friends will yell at me for using ambiguous terminology. Though I have heard someone say that Peeta's love for Katniss was not real love, but lust... but i don't buy that. If he only lusted after Katniss, he would have dropped her as a friend after she rejected him on the train home from the hunger games (and continued to lust at a distance). I've never been in that kind of situation, but i feel like you would only fight that hard for the people you love, not the people you lust after. Plus, Peeta saw Katniss as a person, not a body. Anyway haha if you're interested in why I titled this blog post the way I did, I realize that the Hunger Games trilogy is A LOT like the Harry Potter series. For instance: 1. President snow intrudes into Kaniss's home in Catching Fire. Rufus Scrimgeour barges into the Weasley's right before Bill's wedding in HP7. 2. Gale's jealousy of Peeta's relationship with Katniss. Ron's jealousy toward Harry and Hermione in HP7. (Though when you have a heroic trio there's only so many patterns of love you can spin.) 3. The rebels vs. the Capitol felt a bit too similar to The order of the Phoenix vs. the Ministry of magic. (There is a difference i guess though... cause one government is corrupt while the other is sickly tyrannical.) 4. Harry is The Boy Who Lived. Katniss is the Mockingjay. Both are rebel poster children. 5. Harry and Katniss are both war heroes. 6. Finnick and Annie's kid is like Lupin's and Tonk's kid in a way. 7. Hermione is tortured in Malfory Mannor. Peeta is tortured in the Captitol (though Peeta's torture is like 10000000000000000000x worse). 7. Death. Oh my goodnesss EVERYONE dies. Here is where I think Collins doesn't deal with death as well as Rowling does. Rowling had reasons for killing off her characters...she used these deaths address the nature of death, the nature of grief, and the nature of war while Collins kills off characters to simply imply that war is brutal and damaging. Despite the similarities between Rowling's and Collins' work, I think that Harry Potter wins out. Collin's choice of which characters she kills and how Katniss deals with the grief seems a little sloppy... there were some characters that died for unnecessary purposes... their deaths just left Katniss deeply deeply deeply scarred, suicidal, and almost insane. On the other hand, the characters that Rowling choices to ax were just as close to Harry as the characters who died in the Hunger Games were to Katniss, if not closer (I apologize for my crappy sentence structure... trying to avoid major major spoilers). Yet, Harry's tale is able to end with "all is well" while Katniss' story ends with how best she can tell her children of her bitter past. Reading Mockingjay's epilogue gave me this really intense "she-is-still-severly-haunted-by-her-past" kind of feeling. In comparison, by highlighting the better future that Harry helped create in her epilogue, Rowling was able to leave her audience with the "all is well" feeling. Plus, at the end of Mockingjay, I'm still not convinced that Katniss really feels like she finally has freedom. Though so much of the story, Collins emphasizes how Snow and Coin use her like a puppet. When both Snow and Coin are dead and gone, Katniss doesn't seems free, but broken. Collins leaves you with this feeling that Snow and Coin's death don't change the fact that Snow and Coin have clipped Katniss' wings. Plus, the demise of her relationship with Gale also has this "i'm-too-broken-by-what-you-could-have-done-to-mend-this-relationship" feel. And just like that, Gale is gone. Idk, Mockingjay definitely had a "this-is-what-war-is-like-and-how-war-changes-you" feeling, but it seemed a bit much. Maybe this is just the "i-want-a-really-happy-ending" part of me speaking. But this did make me wonder. Rowling's purpose in writing HP was geared toward addressing the themes of Love, Death, and Grief. The death of her mother had a huge role in helping her craft the story. On the other hand, Collin's purpose in writing HG was geared toward addressing the sick effects of war. Her father was a veteran and she said he was instrumental in laying the foundation to her stories. I guess the questions I have are, 1. Was Rowling being idealistic in thinking that an "all is well" future for Harry was possible in lieu of his grief and war tainted past? 2. Was Collins wrong in assuming that Katiness would never be able to escape the past? Things to remember though... Katiness saw a LOT more bloodshed than Harry saw. She went through a LOT more trauma than Harry did.

In the Absences of Mom

So...my mom's gone out of town for two weeks. That leaves me and dad at home. I'm kinda embarrassed to say that the first thing that I thought of when she left was, "No nagging for two weeks? YES!". As I watched and waved at the car backing out of the driveway, it suddenly hit me: We're not going to have a mom for two weeks. Not only does this mean that I will leave my shoes in the doorway, that I will forget to bring the dishes into the sink, and generally be the natural slob that I am, but it also means that no one is going to cook food for me, no one's gonna answer my 50+ trivial questions a day (I dare you to try to count how many times you yell "MOOOOMMMMMM WHERE'S MY...." or for those who are married, "HONEY, WHERE'S MY SUPERSUIT!?"), and most IMPORTANTLY no one is going to LOVE me like mommy does. This horrible picture of our house looking like a nuclear waste dump site popped into my head...To which I quietly thought to myself, "oh good gracious. We are going to be eating take out and instant noodles for the next two weeks. And the house is going to look like tornado ran through it by the time mom comes home. We.are.so.dead.". It's been 6 days since mom left and I am happy to say that we are doing awesome. Granted me and dad still miss mom like CRAZY. BUT, the house is STILL standing. I have been trying to do everything to not let that horrible nightmare become of reality. I've learned a lot of stuff about myself and dad in the pass couple days: 1. I can cook. Like if I was living on my own, I know how to make enough dishes to survive. In the past six days, we have only gotten take out twice and eaten out once. AND instant noodles have remained off the menu. 2. Mom does a LOT of stuff. She makes cuts fruits and makes slop (our over dramatized version of oatmeal) for breakfast EVERY MORNING. She makes lunch for my dad and I everyday. She cooks dinner, sweeps the floor, does laundry, folds laundry, nags me to do my homework and practice instruments, goes grocery shopping, does the dishes...etc. I kid you not, my mother is Wonderwoman (not being sarcastic). 3. Me and dad both HATE doing dishes. Ha. This is funny. We haven't hit the "eating on a paper towel to avoid washing dishes" stage but we are PRETTY bad. Don't get me wrong I do wash dishes on a regular basis when mom is home...it's just that I hate it. If there was ANY other chore available I'd do it instead. So, if mom was cooking for two people she would be reasonable and use 3 pairs of chopsticks, 2 soup spoons, two serving spoons, two bowls of soul, 4 plates, two or three cups, three pots, one pan, one spatula, two washing bowls, and 3 or 4 tubbleware containers for leftovers. Now if Dad or I was cooking for the same amount of people, never mind plates, we'd eat out of tubbleware. I mean, I hate washing dishes so much that I cooked all of dinner last night with the same fork that I used to eat dinner with afterward (who needs spatulas right?). 4. I'm generally more responsible when mom's not around. This concept is kinda strange. Cause usually when mom's not around, kids are more rowdy. For example, my 5 year old cousin was playing with something that he wasn't supposed to be playing with and I said, "Aaron, mom said your not allowed to play with that". To which he promptly replied, "mom's not here!" and went about his merry ways. I've noticed that I don't leave my shoes in the doorway or forget to do some of the other things that mom usually nags me about. I guess that's just be cause I can't count on mom nagging me to do it. Idk, weird circular reasoning :P 5. Home is not home without mom. It's been a quiet few days. Not lonely, but quiet. There's a quintessential "mom-ness" missing. By "mom-ness" I don't mean that there's no one to cook food or no one to pick up after me...but that there's no one to mom-ly talk with me about my day over lunch or dinner...no one bump into while I'm making cookies (mom usually makes dinner around that time). No one to gullibly believe my ridiculous exaggerations...though Gabriel could sub for this in a pinch (I once accidentally convinced mom that I could swim a mile faster than I could run one). No one to say FOB-ized versions of American slang (Saying "CHILL IT" instead of "calm down" or "chill"). No one to say mommy things like, "I want cold watermelon...but there's no room in the fridge... I KNOW WHAT! Let's put it in the POOL!"...No one to be mom and love me like mom. I miss you mommy.

Humans

...are like cars. cept' we run on love not gas... and when we don't have love, well... we break down, we cry, and we die (figuratively and eventually literally).

Doubting love.

A world without:

"am I good enough?" 
            &
"do they love me?"


A world with:

"My God loves me."
              &
"My family loves me." 
              &
"My friends love me." 


only one catch...

"is it too good to be true?"

On Being A Younger Sibling

          Throughout my life I have often asked myself, "why not me? Why can't I be like Gabriel?".  Almost everyday, the thought of not being on somewhat par with my brother has haunted me.  This burden, this shadow, has been one of the most destructive thing in my life.  All the pain, all the hatred bottled up inside me.  It's been horrible.  Pride.  Selfish. Disgusting. Pride.  Almost every year I look back and all I think is "Gabriel won, I didn't."  It has been so hard to live with myself.  Even exactly a year ago (to the day) I remember destroying myself over the fact that I wasn't as smart as my brother.  It even messes with your head.   I've struggled and hated myself because I thought my parents loved my brother more than they loved me just because he was more successful.  I've tried so hard these past 16 years to try to live up to that shadow.....that annoyingly large looming shadow of greatness.  "Why is he so smart? Why is he so good? Why can't I be like him?"

I think I'm finally starting to realize.  It's not about me.  I am not Gabriel.  There is no shadow. My parents love me, or more importantly, God loves me just the same.

            It's not about winning.  It's not about being better than my brother.  Sometimes our only goal in trying is to some how maybe live up to shadows of other people.  It’s not about that.  It’s about growing.  It’s about loving God.  Nothing I do will make Him love me any less.  Nothing I do can make Him love me more.  If I try for God, I grow.  If I try for myself, I fall flat on my face.  I finally feel free enough to be  proud of the work I put forward, for school and for music, not because it's maybe close to my brother's standard (which unfortunately is totally not true) ... but because it shows that I grew.  It shows that I learned more about God.  That’s all that matters.  


Don't be jealous of your siblings and never ever stop growing.     

Happy Mommy's DAY!!!

...i love you mommy ^_^

   So for mommy day I this from scratch .... Almond Ice cream... Maple peanut butter syrup.. maple peanut butter waffle and frozen bananas :]