I don't ever think I have been that relaxed before... during any performance or any practice sessions or anything. My heart rate was incredibly slow... or at least it felt that way.
I just finished my first recital at the colburn school of music. I was the only violinist tonight... which i am extremely happy about. Less pressure :] The whole day I was having this weird stomach thing. I think i was getting nervous.
On the way to colburn, I started singing Jesus loves me, beyond words (tenth ave north), and beloved (tenth ave north). Realizing that God loves you no matter how badly you screw up does wonders for your nerves. I ended up being so relaxed that i started dragging a bit.
All in all, I didn't play the best I wanted too... dragged... then a rushed a little. But this was the very first performance where I was confident in my playing. Being confident, I have slowly realized, doesn't mean that you do your best. It means that you realize that God will love you no matter what happens... that you don't need to prove yourself to others.. because you have already satisfied the master of all things, by simply doing your best.
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