In the Absences of Mom

So...my mom's gone out of town for two weeks. That leaves me and dad at home. I'm kinda embarrassed to say that the first thing that I thought of when she left was, "No nagging for two weeks? YES!". As I watched and waved at the car backing out of the driveway, it suddenly hit me: We're not going to have a mom for two weeks. Not only does this mean that I will leave my shoes in the doorway, that I will forget to bring the dishes into the sink, and generally be the natural slob that I am, but it also means that no one is going to cook food for me, no one's gonna answer my 50+ trivial questions a day (I dare you to try to count how many times you yell "MOOOOMMMMMM WHERE'S MY...." or for those who are married, "HONEY, WHERE'S MY SUPERSUIT!?"), and most IMPORTANTLY no one is going to LOVE me like mommy does. This horrible picture of our house looking like a nuclear waste dump site popped into my head...To which I quietly thought to myself, "oh good gracious. We are going to be eating take out and instant noodles for the next two weeks. And the house is going to look like tornado ran through it by the time mom comes home. We.are.so.dead.". It's been 6 days since mom left and I am happy to say that we are doing awesome. Granted me and dad still miss mom like CRAZY. BUT, the house is STILL standing. I have been trying to do everything to not let that horrible nightmare become of reality. I've learned a lot of stuff about myself and dad in the pass couple days: 1. I can cook. Like if I was living on my own, I know how to make enough dishes to survive. In the past six days, we have only gotten take out twice and eaten out once. AND instant noodles have remained off the menu. 2. Mom does a LOT of stuff. She makes cuts fruits and makes slop (our over dramatized version of oatmeal) for breakfast EVERY MORNING. She makes lunch for my dad and I everyday. She cooks dinner, sweeps the floor, does laundry, folds laundry, nags me to do my homework and practice instruments, goes grocery shopping, does the dishes...etc. I kid you not, my mother is Wonderwoman (not being sarcastic). 3. Me and dad both HATE doing dishes. Ha. This is funny. We haven't hit the "eating on a paper towel to avoid washing dishes" stage but we are PRETTY bad. Don't get me wrong I do wash dishes on a regular basis when mom is home...it's just that I hate it. If there was ANY other chore available I'd do it instead. So, if mom was cooking for two people she would be reasonable and use 3 pairs of chopsticks, 2 soup spoons, two serving spoons, two bowls of soul, 4 plates, two or three cups, three pots, one pan, one spatula, two washing bowls, and 3 or 4 tubbleware containers for leftovers. Now if Dad or I was cooking for the same amount of people, never mind plates, we'd eat out of tubbleware. I mean, I hate washing dishes so much that I cooked all of dinner last night with the same fork that I used to eat dinner with afterward (who needs spatulas right?). 4. I'm generally more responsible when mom's not around. This concept is kinda strange. Cause usually when mom's not around, kids are more rowdy. For example, my 5 year old cousin was playing with something that he wasn't supposed to be playing with and I said, "Aaron, mom said your not allowed to play with that". To which he promptly replied, "mom's not here!" and went about his merry ways. I've noticed that I don't leave my shoes in the doorway or forget to do some of the other things that mom usually nags me about. I guess that's just be cause I can't count on mom nagging me to do it. Idk, weird circular reasoning :P 5. Home is not home without mom. It's been a quiet few days. Not lonely, but quiet. There's a quintessential "mom-ness" missing. By "mom-ness" I don't mean that there's no one to cook food or no one to pick up after me...but that there's no one to mom-ly talk with me about my day over lunch or dinner...no one bump into while I'm making cookies (mom usually makes dinner around that time). No one to gullibly believe my ridiculous exaggerations...though Gabriel could sub for this in a pinch (I once accidentally convinced mom that I could swim a mile faster than I could run one). No one to say FOB-ized versions of American slang (Saying "CHILL IT" instead of "calm down" or "chill"). No one to say mommy things like, "I want cold watermelon...but there's no room in the fridge... I KNOW WHAT! Let's put it in the POOL!"...No one to be mom and love me like mom. I miss you mommy.

Humans

...are like cars. cept' we run on love not gas... and when we don't have love, well... we break down, we cry, and we die (figuratively and eventually literally).

Doubting love.

A world without:

"am I good enough?" 
            &
"do they love me?"


A world with:

"My God loves me."
              &
"My family loves me." 
              &
"My friends love me." 


only one catch...

"is it too good to be true?"

On Being A Younger Sibling

          Throughout my life I have often asked myself, "why not me? Why can't I be like Gabriel?".  Almost everyday, the thought of not being on somewhat par with my brother has haunted me.  This burden, this shadow, has been one of the most destructive thing in my life.  All the pain, all the hatred bottled up inside me.  It's been horrible.  Pride.  Selfish. Disgusting. Pride.  Almost every year I look back and all I think is "Gabriel won, I didn't."  It has been so hard to live with myself.  Even exactly a year ago (to the day) I remember destroying myself over the fact that I wasn't as smart as my brother.  It even messes with your head.   I've struggled and hated myself because I thought my parents loved my brother more than they loved me just because he was more successful.  I've tried so hard these past 16 years to try to live up to that shadow.....that annoyingly large looming shadow of greatness.  "Why is he so smart? Why is he so good? Why can't I be like him?"

I think I'm finally starting to realize.  It's not about me.  I am not Gabriel.  There is no shadow. My parents love me, or more importantly, God loves me just the same.

            It's not about winning.  It's not about being better than my brother.  Sometimes our only goal in trying is to some how maybe live up to shadows of other people.  It’s not about that.  It’s about growing.  It’s about loving God.  Nothing I do will make Him love me any less.  Nothing I do can make Him love me more.  If I try for God, I grow.  If I try for myself, I fall flat on my face.  I finally feel free enough to be  proud of the work I put forward, for school and for music, not because it's maybe close to my brother's standard (which unfortunately is totally not true) ... but because it shows that I grew.  It shows that I learned more about God.  That’s all that matters.  


Don't be jealous of your siblings and never ever stop growing.     

Happy Mommy's DAY!!!

...i love you mommy ^_^

   So for mommy day I this from scratch .... Almond Ice cream... Maple peanut butter syrup.. maple peanut butter waffle and frozen bananas :]

The Quest for the Sis: The Origins of the Torrey Academy Thesis Formula

Ok... i lied.. i'm not moving... tumblr is just emotional rambling.. so that's dumb.. anyway..

So instead of doing a reflection essay, my teacher said we could write a short story (500-800 words).  But this story has to be based on a story that we heard and it can't be based on a story that we read or watched.  Mr. Bartel was telling us about the origins of the Torrey Academy Thesis Formula in class one day.  " it all started when Gary Hartenburg was working on his final paper one semester in college.  He just couldn't get the thesis right......."  Here's my take on the story.  As my Psychology Prof. once said "A story doesn't have to be true to be good".  This is for credit, so please... put comments or suggestions.  Otherwise...

                                                              The Quest For the Sis   

Gary stared out the window of his dorm room at the field where his friends were playing a game of soccer.  Instead of enjoying the beautiful sunny day, Gary sat chained to his desk and computer as if he were a slave to his final term paper.  Although he had pulled an all-nighter editing, he still could not help but feel that his paper spelled out the impending doom of his grade.  He just could not get the thesis straight.  Gary wrenched his eyes from the window and stared tiredly back at the blinking cursor.  Oh how it mocked him.  The stationary and rhythmic disappearance and reappearance of the vertical line was a harsh indication of his inability to produce genius. 

His tired mind began to play tricks on him.  The cursor took the form of a fluffy sheep while the text transformed into a white picket fence.  He lazily moved the left and right arrow keys and began to count the little white ball’s leaps across the fence, “1…2…3…”.  His eyelids and muscles grew heavier and heavier, beckoning him to rest.  He gave into his exhaustion and fell into a deep sleep, an experience that only Sleeping Beauty could relate to.

“Thy bidding is simply ridiculous!” exclaimed a masculine voice.  Gary found himself sprawled out on the stone ground of a medieval castle.  He picked himself up and noticed that he was sporting knight’s armor.  Gary turned his head in the direction of the voice and found a similarly clad knight arguing with a crowned man dressed in royal purple robes.  “The Sis has been thought to be a myth for ages Sir Mark, but I saw it forged with my very eyes.  The legendary power of this formula has been rumored to convince even the most stubborn person to conform to user’s ideology.  Our naïve citizens are thwarting to overrule me.  Their uneducated minds would only destroy this Kingdom if given a position of power.  Thou must retrieve the Sis and use it to unite the people’s opinions before the kingdom erupts in a civil war.” instructed purple robed king.  Sir Mark’s eyes widened at the mention of the equation’s power.  Now accepting the reality of such a formula, Sir Mark replied, “But legend tells of a magical protection around the Sis!”  The King said, “Ah, but legend also dictates that a pure heart which seeks only truth can easily bypass the enchanted barrier.  I would trust that thou hast pure intentions?  Nevertheless, Sir Gary, won’t thou accompany Sir Mark and assist him?”  Gary, momentarily shocked to hear his name, hastily acknowledged and agreed to the King’s request. 

Gary and Sir Mark each mounted a winged horse, the only means of travel to the Sis, and beckoned the magical beasts to direct them there.  Gary’s horse immediately took flight at the sound of his request while Sir Mark’s steed began to roughly kick and fly the opposite direction.  Alas, Sir Mark yelled, “arrogant beast, if thou wilt not obey my command, wilt thou follow Sir Gary’s trusty stallion”.  The creature ceased it’s thrashing and flew after Gary’s horse.

After a long and tiring journey, the two horses gracefully descended in front of a dark cavern.  Upon crossing the threshold of the cavern, the two knights heard a deep voice bellow, “From where doest thou cometh and to where art thou going?” 

Gary proclaimed, “We hail from a kingdom where there is fighting amongst the people and we wish to acquire the Sis’s power to unite the people in truth.” 

“Thy intentions pure, proceed.” answered the voice as a door containing the Sis at the back of the cavern opened.

“Sir Mark Wentworth, thy desire to use the Sis to gain the support of the people for thyself is wretched.  Thou shalt not proceed.” Called the voice. 

However, it was too late, Sir Mark had already slipped past the door.  As Gary stretched his hand to pick up the Sis, Sir Mark interceded it and yelled, “It’s mine!  My power! ALL MINE!”.  At the touch of the stone, Sir Mark’s hand literally caught on fire.  He began to burn and scream.  Gary looked closer at the stone.  There was a distinctive scratch between the letters e and s of the first word.  It was engraved:

                            THESIS FORMULA: ALTHOUGH…I THINK…BECAUSE.

           Suddenly, the stench of man odor violated Gary’s nostrils and Gary was thrown back into reality as he awoke to see his sweaty roommate return from the game of soccer.  Gary looked back up at his computer screen and the blinking cursor could mock him no more.  Gary preached the thesis formula to all those who were pure of heart and it became a legend in reality for its uncanny ability to sway the opinions of the stubborn.                

Switching Blogs... again

Soorry... i think tumblr's just so much better though... anyway you can find me here.... http://simplychootwo.tumblr.com/